


There's Something Wrong With You

by meils121



Category: Leverage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2018-01-02 15:29:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meils121/pseuds/meils121
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It didn’t take long for Parker to realize that life was easier when people thought she was crazy.  They tried to fix her when they thought there was only a little bit wrong with her.  When she acts completely crazy, people stay away from her.  That’s how Parker likes it.  She knows that she has, in the words of her fifth therapist, issues.  But when she’s crazy, all people see is the crazy.  They don’t see the issues.  No one questions why she finds it easier to stab a guy instead of pushing him away.  They don’t wonder why she works alone, always alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Something Wrong With You

“There’s something wrong with you.”

            Parker can’t count the number of times she’s been told that.  In the past, it’s always been an insult, an accusation that somehow she’s less of a person.  For another person, it might have hurt.  For Parker, it’s just something else she keeps locked up in the dark place in her mind.  That’s what she wants them to think, after all, and so she really can’t complain when they treat her like she’s crazy.

            Eliot, though, says it differently than other people.  Maybe that’s because he, like Parker, isn’t other people.  Other people were strange.  Parker knows that Eliot has a dark place in his mind too, and maybe that’s why she doesn’t mind when he says it.  “There’s something wrong with you.”  There’s something wrong with Eliot too.  Parker thinks at first he’s just saying it because it’s what he’s supposed to say when confronted with someone like her.  It isn’t until later on that Parker thinks maybe Eliot knows.

            It didn’t take long for Parker to realize that life was easier when people thought she was crazy.  They tried to fix her when they thought there was only a little bit wrong with her.  When she acts completely crazy, people stay away from her.  That’s how Parker likes it.  She knows that she has, in the words of her fifth therapist, issues.  But when she’s crazy, all people see is the crazy.  They don’t see the issues.  No one questions why she finds it easier to stab a guy instead of pushing him away.  They don’t wonder why she works alone, always alone.

            Parker protects herself.  That’s what she’s always done.  If she has to act crazier than she is to protect herself, that’s what she’s going to do.  She doesn’t like having to explain herself.  Crazy people are never asked to explain themselves.  Eventually, Parker learns to enjoy her reputation.  She’s THE Parker, and no one ever stops to question her.  She’s one of the best thieves in the world, crazy or not.  And that’s exactly how she likes it.

            Parker wasn’t ready for how different working with a team would be.  She likes it, now that she’s gotten used to it.  But she can’t stop herself from acting crazy.  Maybe it’s because she’s acted that way for so long.  Maybe, Parker thinks for a little while, it’s because she really is crazy. 

            “There’s something wrong with you.”  Eliot says one day.  Parker looks up.  He’s chopping vegetables for soup, not looking at her. 

            “Isn’t there always?”  Parker asks. 

            Eliot turns, glares at her.  “I’m not saying there’s something wrong with you like the way other people say there’s something wrong with you.”

            “So what are you saying?”

            “I’m saying, there’s something wrong with you.”  Eliot says, only this time he puts the stress on the you instead of the wrong.  It changes things. 

            “Oh.”  Parker says, because she’s not sure how else to respond.  Now she knows for sure.  Eliot’s figured her out.  She doesn’t know how she’s supposed to feel about that.

            “Damn it, Parker.”  Eliot says.  “What are you doing?”

            “Same thing you are.”  Parker says without thinking.  This earns her an angry glare, but Parker knows Eliot well enough not to flinch.  She’s never found him scary.  Instead she just shrugs. 

            “What’s that supposed to mean?”                                      

            Parker looks at Eliot.  His eyes have softened.  She likes them better that way.  She supposes people might like her better that way too, but she doesn’t like to dwell on those thoughts.  Her life isn’t about getting people to like her.  She’s had to sacrifice that to protect herself.  Only, she thinks, Eliot figured out what she does.  Maybe he’s known all along, and he still likes her.  Just like, she realizes, she likes him whether or not his eyes are angry. 

            “I don’t play well with others. I’m more attached to money than to most other people.  I get the same rush jumping off a building that most people get when they fall in love.  I don’t trust anyone.  I don’t deal with my anger properly.  I can’t cope with changes.  I don’t express my feelings the way normal people should.”  Parker takes a deep breath.  “I’m a broken mess.  And people think they can fix me if they just stare at me long enough.  I don’t want to be fixed if it means everyone knowing how broken I am.”

            Eliot doesn’t speak for a long time.  Parker’s beginning to get nervous that she shouldn’t have said all that when she finally hears his voice.  It’s slow and calming and she finds herself leaning into it.  “I knew the day I met you.  Twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag, because you stuffed too much crazy inside.  And you kept stuffing it in, because the only way to get people to stop trying to fix you is being so damn crazy they’re scared to try.”

            “Something like that.”  Parker agrees.  “And you do it too.  Only, you use your anger.  You make yourself so scary so no one else will come near you.”

            “Yeah.”  Eliot says.  “I do.  Because, Parker, I’ve got issues too.  Damn it, we all do.”

            “You say it differently than the others.”  Parker admits.  “I thought you were saying it because that’s what everyone says.”

            “Sophie said it because you don’t like shoes.”  Eliot says with a low, easy laugh.  “That’s different too.”

            “Yeah.”  Parker says.  “I guess it is.”

            Eliot goes back to chopping vegetables and for a while the kitchen is silent except for the sound of the knife hitting the cutting board.  Parker is almost startled when she hears Eliot’s voice again.  “I’m not telling you to change.  I’m not even saying you need to get help.”

            “Then why bring it up?”  Parker asks, and her voice is dangerously close to cracking.  “What’s the point?”

            “Parker.”  Eliot starts.  He puts the knife down and looks at her again, and all Parker wants to do is look away.  “It’s about telling you that you aren’t alone.  We like you.”

            “Even if I act crazier than I am?”  Parker asks.  It’s the first time she’s said that out loud.

            “Yeah, Parker.  Even then.” 

            It’s been a long time since Parker’s felt that she’s somewhere she belongs.  It’s such a strange feeling that she wonders if she’s ever had a place to belong before.  Eliot finishes chopping the carrots and Parker feels oddly light, like something has been weighing her down for so long she forgot it wasn’t a necessary part of her.  She doesn’t like things weighing her down, and Parker wonders how she ever let that happen in the first place.  She doesn’t want to change, doesn’t think she can change, but she thinks maybe she doesn’t need to change. 

            Parker leans back against the wall and watches as Eliot moves onto the celery. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever...so let me know what you think!


End file.
